How I make my decisions.

Sitting in a business class lounge with 30 mins before boarding a flight leaving Australia for Thailand and Pakistan, going to make a bit of a cathartic post because if I don't now I won't later.

Business class was a simple error of changing plans, waiting to long and having to use miles to book a ticket, but at the moment I'm enjoying my mistake.

Why Australia? Well a year ago a paragliding friend I met in Thailand asked me to be his supporter for the Red Bull X-Alps 2013, I didn't feel qualified but I agreed, and was flattered he would ask me. Health problems made him withdraw and then things got worse. He was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, by the summer it had spread to his bones. He took on an alternative diet program and following his posts on FB I could see his attitude was positive and full of hope, but I could also see he was struggling to maintain the program and balance all the daily chores of life. Often he would overexert himself and have a setback. I knew I had the time and could go and spend some time with him, help him maintain his program and improve his health.

But as always I had several options and the more appealing one was going to meet a woman I was in interested in. She was beautiful, independent, loved to travel and even spoke some hindi. Recently she'd gotten in bicycle touring. As I was finishing my work season on my Uncles farm in Minnesota she was doing a short bicycle tour in the desert of Australia, we planned to meet after in Taiwan and then travel together in India. I was shocked when I found out via FB that she had died in a road accident. It was hard to process too as we didn't have many mutual friends.. it all felt a bit unreal.

At that point it was easy to make the commitment to visit Lloyd, my paragliding friend living in Australia.

As I leave today it's been 40 days that I've been a full time carer for my friend and the first time I've done something like this. It's been incredibly rewarding. To really dedicate yourself to serving another person and to have such a visible impact on protecting them from unnecessary suffering and improve their quality of life. I think it's something I'm good at and will be open to future opportunities to act in this role.  It kind of balances my normal life where I just serve my own interests and desires. In the end what I've gotten out of it in terms of increasing my ability to feel compassion, work on patience and acceptance and develop my heart outweighs the stress I took on.

What I've learned from Lloyd is just to put yourself out there, post something and be honest rather than try to edit it, clean it up and think about how it will be received.

Great idea Lloyd Pennicuik had to get autographs for his Red Bull Xalps shirt and auction it off. So far it's got 2 signatures, when I see David Hanning I'll get his and then we'll send it on to Honza and Max Fanderl in north america and then on to Europe.. It'll be fun to see how many Athletes and supporters we can get to sign it!

Over It.

Here's a picture from a recent flight in Pakistan. Let me tell you something about it. First a too long preface: I delayed a trip to Pakistan spring of 2013 with my Bulgarian friend Veso because my schedule felt too rushed. I finally was able to come in September, just as I picked my dates I also found out a couple of Pakistani friends from Lahore were planning a trekking and flying trip to Shimshal, I do love the Shimshal region having flown over it once in 2009, a 2 day flight with my highest bivy at 5270 meters following Christian Rankle. I got to know the locals on a treking/climbing trip in 2012 where I was able to help with some filming for a documentary about female climbers of the area. This year having a group to go with and all the logistics arranged sounded great. The group was 8 clients, I the only american the other 7 Pakistani's from Islamabad, Lahore and Karachi. Basically middle class guys in their 20's to 40's craving a little time off work in their various industries (media, finance, telecomunications, sales) and looking forward to some outdoor time in the mountains.

Kamran and Ahsan are pilots I've known since 2007, they brought their paragliding wings with the intention of climbing the 6400 meter Sonia peak and flying from the top. Wajahat I've also know since 2007, he's one of the pilots that visited Bir in 2008 and has done numerous outdoor documentaries. Wajahat came on the spur of the moment as he'd been in the northern areas working on a project showcasing the mountain biking potential of Gilgit Baltistan.

It's a lovely group and I enjoy getting to know the guys and of course the Shimshal guides and porters are all stellar (lots more to say about the cool group dynamic but I'm trying to keep it short to cover a bit of ground with this post). I seem to be having some stomach pains on the demanding trek to the base of Sonia. That combined with seeing a nice 7000+ meter sky setting up made me make the decision to fly from lower down rather than summit and risk losing the good weather flying window. The the group starts in the morning and I wait for thermals to start from the hillside at 4400 meters. Everything looks good and I launch easily but from the first thermal I could tell I didn't like the day. Just a bit rough and not positive climbs lower down. The climbs get stronger higher up but there's still something that doesn't feel right and I'm not at all relaxed.

Back to the picture, it's taken looking north east and the snow covered peak below is Sonia (6400 meters) where my friends are climbing the ridge along the right which borders the Gujerab valley. I would guess I'm about 7000 meters but this day I wasn't flying with a GPS or Altimeter. Shortly after taking the picture and talking with Ahsan on the radio about how I didn't like the turbulence I lost my wing. Sometimes in these circumstances I can remember clearly what happened but this time it was a bit of a blur. I am sure my hands were on the controls and I was actively flying the wing. I think there was a large asymetric which led to a cravat, as the wing started to spiral the input needed to stop it led to a stall. I'm not entirely sure but this is what I think looking back on it.

What I am sure about was that as I was trying to get the wing from being stalled to flying again I wasn't having fun at all. I remember thinking, "Over it" "Done" "Going to get a mountain bike an find some mellow trails instead of this silly flying business" In fact I think in those few seconds I made a business plans for bringing groups to Pakistan but riding sturdy bikes on good roads with little traffic rather than flying collapsible wings in strong air. I was also aware of how unpleasant having a twist at this altitude would be, and that my reserve was no good over that glaciated high terrain below me.

The incident was over after a few seconds and I was flying again. I stayed in the air for another 45 mins and 25km to save landing at base camp and having a 2 day walk to the road. I didn't enjoy any of it, couldn't appreciate the views and couldn't wait for it to be over. 2 days later I was comfortably in Hunza watching a perfect 7000+ no wind flying day from the comfort of the ground. I was a bit conflicted as I've been the last year. Self doubt started as my passion to fly declined in August 2012. Having an accident last September didn't help much but the head games have been interesting to watch. Just as I thought I was recovering my spirit I received this very clear message. As I write now I'm totally ok with the idea that by big mountain flying days are behind me. Life is about transitions and the saddest thing is clinging to who we were yesterday, not living as who we are today.

So who am I now and what do I want to do?

Well I think that's a subject for another post. I can say I concluded my month long trip by spending a week with the local pilots of Chitral. I started my Pakistan travels there in May of 2007 and have always had a close bond with the people. Now that I wasn't focused on my personal flying I was able to totally dedicate myself to giving back what I've learned. During the day I would take someone up on an instructional tandem flight and in the evening we would have an official training session complete with a dry erase board, syllabus and videos. For me being a part of developing the local pilots is now a bigger priority than flying on my own. As for future Pakistan trips I'd like to travel around by motorcycle, explore some easy mountain biking routes, and even do some fishing...